Ray Bishop's Bathtub

CrazyBathtubGuy

I had to pause during a massage I was giving last night to watch this on the news. I won't be too hurt if you've already seen it. I just hope it reminds a few people of home.

B.W.L. #1

I'm starting my Birthday Wish List today with my highest priced item (besides a piano, which I'll gladly accept at anytime). The Ashford Traveling Spinning Wheel. I have always wanted to learn how to spin and this is actually what prompted the purchase of my super cute angora rabbit. Really, I just mentioned it and the Hare went crazy for the idea. Anytime he's given permission to add to the family zoo, he makes it happen .

Back to the important issues here, I realize this item might be out of your price range. Don't worry, breathe.. inhale.. exhale.. You can relax because the items/prices will continue to drop from here on out. Whoever does get me the #1 item on the B.W.L will be my all time favorite person ever. Just something to think about.

One of the many crazies

As a tribute to my maternal grandfather, I have added my first widget to the blog. At the bottom of the page, you'll find the countdown to my BIRTHDAY. I think this should give everyone ample time to think about gifts, or maybe cards they would like to send me. I am planning an occasional post for items that I'm interested in owning. Don't feel any pressure to get them for me. Oh no. No pressure at all.

Sweatpants, a vest and slippers

CreedThoughts.

Read the post for June 26th. It makes me wonder what to choose for my uniform. I would probably follow his suggestions.

It's the little stuff.

Today is fantastic. Guess what I get to do... work an extra hour everyday! Here's where it gets really good, after all those extra hours worked, I get a day off every other week.

Hooray!

Every other weekend, is a 3 day weekend. I'm going to start brainstorming what to do with all that extra time. Oh nevermind, I just remembered, school.

WATCH OUT!

Here's my latest idea, me and a Vespa. I'm sure those of you who know me are a little frightened by the idea. The potential for embarrassment and/or death is likely. It might be worth the risk to get 70 mpg. I would have to accessorize a bit. I need a mister on the front, because I'm sure I'll show up to work nice and sweaty in the summer. I want it to have a bike horn, or maybe a bell. I think I'll go with a bell, it seems more reference desk librarian. It would be nice to have an invisible force field surrounding me. I would love to watch people or objects just bounce off the bubble as soon as they were too close. If I ever have kids, I'll strap on one of those bike carriers. Perfect.

About my artwork, I'm getting pretty good at this Paint program. I might have a future here. Look at the concentration in my face and notice that I'm driving with one hand. Yes, I am that good.

My reward

This is the best part of yoga, the end of class where you get to relax. Remember that not everyone looks as good as I do in yoga clothes. I am the exception!

Word of the day

indecorous: lacking propriety and good taste in manners and conduct

As a bonus I have an example:

I woke up to the giggling of the 3 year old twins. As I came around the corner, I saw the little boys (younger one naked) fighting over a bottle of Powerade. The bottle had already been emptied onto the floor, so what were they fighting for? Stubborn boys. They froze as soon as they saw me, looked at each other for a moment and then the nudist said, "The rabbit did it." What a dilemma, which issue needed to be addressed. Fighting, making a mess, or lying. I chose the fourth option and told them to go wake up their mother.

I went back to bed.

A moment for the little dog

Mom has been wanting to see a picture of her dog, since we've been dog sitting. It isn't going to happen. I have this to offer instead. The Daily DogScope:

You can handle some unexpected outbursts, as long as they're not too radical. When they're out of your comfort zone, cowering in the other room is perfectly acceptable.

This fits her perfectly.

I guess there's a spot saved for me...

Here's my horoscope for tomorrow, I like to plan ahead.

Your key planet Pluto, the lord of the underworld, isn't as scary as some people think. Today, as the Sun shines its light into the darkness, you have an opportunity to see things that are usually tucked out of sight. Instead of fearing what's hidden, now you can work with what you learn. Your power increases when you are willing to let the newfound knowledge transform your point of view.

Now, here are my issues with this:

• My key planet represents the lord of the underworld. All you parents out there should take this as a sign. Do not let me babysit. Your children will accompany me to the dark side.
• What's wrong with my point of view?
• I guess those were my only issues. On the bright side, I'm a visionary and my power increases. That's always a good thing.

Knowing when to use the plunger

Our boss made her weekly visit today, which always includes two boxes of Krispy Kreme's. We were discussing some of the issues we have, since our building isn't associated with the campus we're at. This causes all sorts of silly problems and finger pointing.

She compared the situation to the flushing of a toilet. Everyone is going crazy, swirling around and around, splashing and dunking. Eventually we'll find out what's got us plugged up and everything will flush again like normal.

I'm going to start using this as much as possible in conversation. For example: "Don't worry about it, it'll flush soon", or "We need to figure out what toy is keeping your toilet backed up." Just think of all the possibilities.

Typical Tortoise

Here's another example of my brilliance.

When writing a paper, it's always appropriate to give ownership of a quote to the wrong person. Make sure when you do that, it's in the introductory paragraph. Because that's the quote your entire paper is based on!

"Don't make me come back there"

Obviously I didn't win Bingo. The thing that dug the knife even deeper, was the old lady sitting next to us who won TWICE, IN A ROW! The Hare had to remind me that I was going for fun. Little does he know. I did have a good time, a friend I used to work with showed up and it was great to see her again. Hopefully we'll be able to include her in some more of our shenanigans.

Father's Day was uneventful as well, since mine doesn't reside in the most wonderful state ever. Hmph. We went to the usual place where the holiday bbq's happen. Thankfully the Hare had to work, so we went early to visit Grandpa and were able to leave before the "crazy's" arrived. Which reminds me, I am so grateful for my family of "crazy's"! I take back all the mean things I say about you guys :)

Another reason I'm grateful to my dad, he (hopefully) doesn't mind that I raided his truck for quarters, because I had to make an emergency stop at the gas station. And then after all that work counting change, the gas gauge didn't budge one bit.

Another man down

I had a bad feeling going into the weekend, that the lone Beta fish wouldn't survive. The proof was there this morning. One coworker posted a warning to fish that may want to move in:

Fingers crossed.

Tomorrow is Bingo night at the local casino. Always a good time with the 'girls'. Prior to our first Bingo event, I had dreamt that I won $5000. I'm not sure what happened, but that wasn't the result. I am sure the girl who sold me the cards is to blame. She didn't give me the right amount and I had to sit out the entire first game. That was probably my game. My $5000 game.

I haven't had the dream again, but I feel as if luck is on my side, with it being Friday the 13th and all. I'm going to start preparing myself mentally for tomorrow night, do some stretching, practice my "BINGO" scream. Maybe I'll even splurge and get a new Bingo dabber/dotter thing. The rest of the time leading up to Bingo will be filled with lots of good deeds in order to increase my chances of good karma. I'll take helpful suggestions on improving strategy.

Here's hoping for $5000!

USS HARE

The Hare wanted a turn with Paint. This gives you an idea of just how exciting our weekends are.

I rediscovered how to "Paint" on the pc

My favorite pregnant bagpiper posted a few pictures of herself on her blog. Since I didn't get to see her in action, this is what I'm imagining. In my version, she's having triplets!

1 down, 4 to go

I was asked to babysit an aquarium full of fish for the summer at work. If you know my experience with animals, then you understand why this may be an issue. I don't have the best track record for animal survival.

Last night we had a death in the fish family. We spent at least 45 min at work today, trying to guess what may have happened. My theory is that the plecostamous is paying another fish to attack and kill. Then the plecostamous gets to feast on the victim once he sinks to the bottom of the tank. I was pretty impressed with how clean he ate that poor fish down to a perfect skeleton. Gruesome, I know.

I don't think I need to share the other theories, because obviously mine is the best.

Grammarless

Twin #2: Freeze mommy!
Princess: I freeze!
Twin #1: Mommy, you're frozen?

While eavesdropping...

Bizarre topics discussed today by the coworkers:

• Wilford Brimley
• Patrick Swayze
• Brigham City, the movie (I never thought these guys would have heard of this one)
• Viruses
• Barry White
• Baby names/nicknames (these are guys who will never reproduce)
• Kermit the Frog
• People with same names, but extreme differences
• Jonas brothers
• The Nerd heirarchy
• Lord of the Rings
• Fantasy/SciFi
• Robert Frost poems as rap lyrics
• Swedish pop music
• Sorry, I had to tune out at some point

This is what I hear all day, everyday.

Rattlesnake Suicide: is the road really the best place to sunbathe?

The Hare always has his eye to the ground, in hopes of a reptile sighting. The family likes to contribute to this insanity. His grandpa called the other day to tell him there was a rattlesnake in the road. Lets try to capture his excitement...

Forget it, that takes too much energy; right now I'm running on reserves.

Just imagine him taking off at a run, in order to view this blessed event. Upon arrival, they found that the snake had been run over and was now dead. Luckily, the Hare was able to benefit by bringing home a new snakeskin. Wahoo! He wants me to sew it onto a band for his "reptile adventure" hat.

Hmmm... now imagine my excitement.

More inappropriate behavior

Scream, moan and roll about on the floor, all because you can't possibly pull your own shoes off your huge 3 year old feet. That's why I put duct tape on them in the first place. Next time, I'll nail them to the floor and tie your arms behind your back, so you can't reach the treats. That'll show you.

While eavesdropping...

Foreign student: What's a wiffleball?

Coworker: A hole with a lot of balls in it.

German Shepherd battleground

I'm not sure if Baby Nephew is becoming more like a dog, or if the dog is becoming a child. The similarities are remarkable. Ever since their residence, Baby Nephew has started carrying toys (flattened basketballs) in his mouth. This is when the dog transforms into a 1 year old and wants his toys back. They haven't learned to share and now it has turned into a passive aggressive war. As soon as one looks away, the other snatches whatever toy was in their possession.

I'm not sure who to feel bad for. The toys were originally the dogs, his greatest love is to successfully destroy a toy. If it's a ball, it needs to be flattened. If it's a stuffed animal, the eyes must be chewed off and then the stuffing removed. This is what his life revolves around and now there's a 1 year old thief in the midst stealing his accomplishments. If it were up to the Hare, all the toys would be given back to the dog in addition to any new toys Baby Nephew leaves behind.

To keep the peace, I've decided to let the soldiers battle it out. They have been coming up with some pretty good retrieval tactics.

Affordable entertainment.

What I learned in church today.

There is no need to be ashamed of the fact that you're an American Idol fan.

They just keep showing up

I must confess, I'm to blame for the most recent additions to our family zoo. I'd like to introduce Willy, Bunny and Tortoise.







Don't worry, I will share some of their crazy antics in the future.

One of the many reasons I will never move from the surface of the sun.

Luckily, there's always someone to blame

I feel as if I need to share an example of the challenges that the Hare faces daily.

The Hare gets up for his turn to bowl. He is on the path towards a perfect 300 game. He takes a deep breath and prepares to start his approach. When suddenly out of the corner of his eye, there's a flash! 'The idiots' (his phrase), 1 lane over (note: not the person right next to him) are taking pictures and enjoying their night out with friends. Lets be fair, how is one really supposed to maintain concentration under such circumstances.

Once again, there goes another near-perfect game.

Inappropriate Behavior

Pointing your chubby lil' 1 year old finger at me, growling "Ut Up" (shut up) and meaning it.